Transformations

FullSizeRender (7)Definitely not the typical #transformationtuesday (er Wednesday) picture. And it’s not one I ever saw myself having the courage to even think about posting. When the #gainingweightiscool trend started I watched in awe as beautiful people shared their stories of struggle and triumph that didn’t end in finally squeezing into that size 2. I watched as my friends from treatment, friends in recovery from their battles with Anorexia, Bulimia, EDNOS & BED, began flooding my feed with their new healthy bodies, positive affirmations and a whole lot of self-love. I used to wonder why anyone would share things as personal as this on social media, what was the point? But I get it now. If you single-handedly beat back the strongest, darkest demons that plagued you for years and finally came out on top, wouldn’t you want to shout it from the rooftops too?

Sharing my story is about taking pride in my work, honoring my strength, and giving myself some long overdue credit. And to hopefully encourage someone else to seek help the way others’ stories encouraged me. Looking at these photos side by side I see the beauty in both. I would be full of shit if I said it was always easy to appreciate my weight gain, but my body has been under repair for a long time and this is what healing looks like. I owe it to myself to respect and praise that process.

Thank you to each and every one of the amazing friends I’ve made along the way. You’ve helped make this transformation possible. Thank you for the laughter, the tears, the self-deprecating humor that got us through the crazy. But more importantly, thank you for teaching me how to truly live again, not just exist. You’ve shown me that love really is louder than the pressure to be perfect. Recovery from Bulimia is the hardest thing I have EVER taken on and there are NO days off. But my God has it all been worth it to find my smile again. Not to mention cultivating the self-love and compassion I denied myself for 7 long years. And to that I say, damn does it feel good to be back 😏 Recovering is not being cured, but it’s no longer being ill either. To recover is to heal, and I thank God every single day that I’ve found my new path.

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