I’m okay, but I almost wasn’t.
He wouldn’t stop insisting, coercing, pushing me,
I thought he was joking at first,
In my own bed, in my own home, he wouldn’t listen,
I said no,
You’re not gonna stop are you
“You’re kidding right?”
It doesn’t bother me, you don’t have to stop.
“I’m not comfortable, I won’t do that again.”
He made me sick to my stomach, then asked if he could do it again.
More aggressive now.
I want to come.
Real laughter. Surely he’s kidding now.
He has to be kidding.
No, come on. You can do it.
“I’m uncomfortable, I don’t want to.”
You have to.
“I don’t have to do anything.”
“I’m uncomfortable, no!”
We’re fucking in the morning.
We are, I hope you know that; we’re fucking when you wake up.
“Dude, you need to chill.”
My final attempt to pacify him.
Shut. The. Fuck. Up!
“Get out of my apartment right now!”
I point a trembling finger in the direction of the door.
Whoa! Chill, chill.
“NO! You don’t talk to me like that. Get out!”
Just, just chill dude. Whatever.
He rolls over in a huff of anger,
My cries are left dangling in thin air,
Not a care.
I can’t stay here.
I can’t sleep beside him,
He the predator, me the prey.
My roommate’s room, her boyfriend is here.
Come back to bed sweetheart. Talk to me.
“You should go.”
I’m harmless, sorry I made it weird.
“I don’t know you and I don’t trust you.
You’re an aggressive stranger.
You need to go.”
Do you want me to go?
I don’t know the address; we should just go back to-
“No. Either you can go back to bed in there, til morning,
and I wait right here.
Or you can go now.”
I mean, I don’t want you to have to wait-
“Then you can leave now.”
He watches me trembling in fear,
Til next time.
His voice echos in my eardrums,
Buzzing from the inside out,
I wish to rattle my skull and watch his diction crumble,
Like the monster under my bed,
From way back when I was 10,
Til next time,
No, I am not okay.